I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
