rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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