I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
He shit in the fireplace
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
