I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
