I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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