Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
