Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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