i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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