my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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