Christians are straight up FREAKS
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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