Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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