Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
