hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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