Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
