Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
