The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
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