just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
