Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
