Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
