it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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