so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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