I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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