dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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