I cockslap morals
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Holy shit dude........stairs
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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