the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
