I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
