I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
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I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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