Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
