nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
