the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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