he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize