Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
