You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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