my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
