i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Where did you get a picture of my penis
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
