Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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