I can't watch pbs sober anymore
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
