i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Randomize
