I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
She just used a chaser for red wine.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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