ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Randomize
