Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
