11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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