Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
