she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
They took my balls.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
