pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Randomize
