Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
