i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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