we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
i think i just lost a toe
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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