I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Dick very happy bro
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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