btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
