Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
