..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
