Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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