And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
