Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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