I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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