apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I will be naked everywhere
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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