she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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