he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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