Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Randomize
