Having a random hookup so left but love u
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
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