I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
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His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
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The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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