the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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