worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
