Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
