Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
