Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
