Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
We need to get me chipped asap
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
