found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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