listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
