A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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