best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Randomize
