Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
