Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
You're like the curious george of whores
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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