I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
