I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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