I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
