ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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