when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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