READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
