theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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