I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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