i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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