I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
