I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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