hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
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