What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
